A Short Discourse on the Ancient and Accepted Discordian Practice of Fnording Dollar Bills


One of the favorite Discordian ``proofs'' of the existence of our ancient adversaries, the Bavarian Illuminati (and of their stranglehold control of the U.S. government) is the existence of their symbol, the ``Eye in the Pyramid,'' on the back of every single one-dollar bill printed! Before now, I don't think anyone has considered the possibility of this symbol having any greater purpose than simply being a reminder to all those ``In the Know'' of who's REALLY running this country; but I think that the presence of the Illuminati's ``mark'' on currency might be useful to them in and of itself, and am taking steps to sabotage their plot, even at this late stage in the game.
      The popular image of the magickal system of ``Voodoo'' is of someone sticking pins in a doll, to hurt the person the doll is ``linked'' to by Sympathetic Magic -- due to the doll's resemblance to the victim, or by a bit of the victim's hair, or something. In any case, the resemblance supposedly gives the magician power over the subject. Now think about all the money you carry around, with the Illuminati's symbol right on it.
      What's more, most Americans and other c(r)apitalists are obsessed with money. Even our noble affiliates and deadly rivals in the ``Church of the SubGenius'' have made this mistake. What was once merely a useful medium of exchange has become a culture complete unto itself, with people's lives depending on the passing around of this paper. The worst part of the capitalist concept of ``money'' is that most citizens of America treat this (rather silly) concept as if it was of deadly importance -- and it is. Under the rule of T.H.E.M., if you don't have ``money,'' you can starve to death. This Horrible Example of the Aneristic Principle (which is explained in the Psycho Metaphysics document) in action results in most people, even Discordians, taking it seriously -- the one thing we Discordians shouldn't do. The Illuminati has USES for all of this sadly misdirected psychic energy....
      In order to avoid this, we must PLAY with money -- write on it, tear it up, drop it on businessmen (50-lb. sacks of pennies, preferably...), and burn it sacrificially -- if we can ``see'' money for the idiotic hellucination it IS, that'll be one less plot of T.H.E.M.'s to worry about. But remember -- they still believe in the stuff, so be careful out there.
      In order to combat this malignant influence, other Discordians have tried a variety of methods. Some of the larger Discordian conspiracies use their own money systems, such as flaxscrip and hempscrip. Some individuals burn Illuminati dollars in sacrifice, so that Eris can make better use of the ``idea'' of ``money'' than we can on Earth. If my theory is correct, however, we can snafu the Illuminati's plan at the source.
      The Illuminati put their symbol on the money so as to have a ``link'' to it -- they can use the power generated by people thinking about money, and they can influence the decisions Normals make concerning money (which probably explains Reaganomics, come to think of it...) To neutralize this ``link'' we have to create ``interference'' -- and the best way I can think of to do that is to get a little help from Eris. If my theory is correct, writing ``FNORD'' over the Illuminati symbol will screw up their ``reception'' (due to the well-known ``invisibility'' of the fnord to Normals), and that's good for a start. What's more, by writing cryptic Discordian slogans on money, we can open the way for Eris to USE that False Cash for Her own inscrutable (but funny) purposes. The human ``owner'' or ``carrier'' of the money won't realize their hands are being guided by forces beyond human comprehension -- not until it's too late -- they've gone and spent it on something weird or frivolous, or necessary...
      Besides, it's a good way to kill time on a slow day.
It should be noted that there are other explanations for money's ubiquity, and while spending fnorded and/or sloganized dollars might be thwarting THEM, it could also be playing right into the metaphorical hands of an even greater threat.