I suppose the Official Word (to the extent that such a thing even exists
in Discordianism) on Discordian Saints comes from
Lord Omar Khayyam Ravenhurst,
cofounder of Discordianism:
- Times weren't always so easy. When in 1968 I first declared myself a Saint,
Gregory Hill (better known by his Discordian
Holy Name, Malaclypse the Younger) said, ``That's impossible,'' insisting, ``Only dead
people can be Saints,'' adding, ``and fictional characters,'' guessing, ``You are
But it happened that, although I was no longer a believer, I was still on the
membership roles of the Church of
of Latter Day Saints. So Greg was too late. Me and all the Mormons were
already Saints -- and some of us living ones -- no matter what he said.
Nowadays only the Mormons have more Saints than the Discordian Society. But
we plan to catch up with them. Won't you please join our Sainthood Drive?
Moral perfection isn't necessary for Discordian Sainthood. You just have to
suffer a lot.
Now, consider the implications of the preceding passage. Since every person
is a Pope, (and thus infallible, as is discussed more fully in
Discordian Eristocracy), and Popes are authorized to canonize Saints, anyone has the ability to
ordain themselves -- and anyone or anything else -- a Saint (though you should
Semi-Official Classification Scheme
when doing so).
This being the case,
Pope Icky Fundament, PZK
has been consulting his
and canonizing all sorts or
people, places and things [most recently the unfortunately deceased Saint the
Duke of Prunes, GW (Frank Zappa). -- Icky]. His demented musings (Hail
Eris) are collected in a short but growing collection entitled
The Book of the Lives of the Saints. I, for my part, was only too
happy to canonize
Saint Andrew, Martyr of the Missed Joke.